


Apologetic

by dorkpatroller



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Getting Together, M/M, i will never stop, just spit it out, leo doesn't have time for your bs odin, soulmates with names on them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 10:49:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15193157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkpatroller/pseuds/dorkpatroller
Summary: Odin has had this mark on his shoulder his whole life, and he already knew he would never be able to tell Leo about it. That's exactly why he's so unsure what to say when he's forced to tell Leo about it.





	Apologetic

“Leaving so soon? I was starting to enjoy the view.” 

Odin’s heart leaps out of his chest. He feels briefly like an old man when he claps his hand over his chest to still his poor heart. He was midway through wrapping a towel around his hips before he was interrupted, but now he’s lucky he doesn’t slip and fall back into the bath. “Niles!” He gasps as soon as he has his footing. His towel dips down past his hip bone but he fumbles to catch it with his fist. “I hadn’t realized you were in here.”

The baths in this Astral Plane are like Hoshidan baths. They’re large pools meant to be shared. Odin hasn’t got a problem with sharing. Since he was young he’s shared everything. Food, sleeping bags, whispers of hope even! The issue Odin has is that he doesn’t particularly like to be undressed in front of others. Some people may find that laughable considering his standard attire, but it isn’t about modesty, he’s confident in the shapes and angles of his body. It’s about…

“That’s an interesting tattoo you’ve got on your shoulder,” Niles says. Odin bites his lower lip. It’s about that. On the back of his left shoulder. Close to his heart, he has a very special marking on his body. Niles wanders closer. Odin tucks the towel around himself so it won’t fall again. “It even looks like his handwriting. How long has this been here, hmm?” 

"Worry not! It is not a fresh wound." Actually, this name on his shoulder has been hurting Odin his whole life. He's quite used to the pain by now.

Niles clicks his tongue. “Now then, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell me, why do you have Lord Leo’s name tattooed on your shoulder? Is it a mark of dedication to him? Or some silly token to keep him safe? I’m curious. Don’t worry, I won’t tease you too much.” 

“I’d rather not say,” Odin says instead. Maybe it’s because he’s so eager to get away in that moment that has Niles letting him off the hook. He knows Niles to snoop where his nose doesn’t always belong, but he’s glad that he leaves him be.

Odin thinks he’s gotten away with it, too. He thinks that he’s survived the experience of Niles seeing that marking on his back. He’s always been a little overly optimistic. The following evening he brings Leo his evening tea. Niles has already been dismissed for the day. This is Odin’s last task for the day, assuming Leo doesn’t ask anything else of him.

But he does ask.

“Odin? Do you have a moment longer to stay?” Leo doesn’t sound angry. As often as his retainers goof off, he’s rarely angry with them. Leo just sounds concerned… which is why Odin already knows what he intends to ask. Even knowing that he’s helpless to do anything but nod his head yes. he braces himself and Leo continues. “Niles told me that you have my name tattooed on your shoulder… is that true? May I see it?” 

No. Odin doesn’t want him to see it, because when he asks what it is there’s just no way that Odin will be able to lie. Not to Leo. But he clears his throat and, not speaking a word (he can hardly think of one to say!), Odin tugs and untucks his shirt from his trousers. 

Everything in Nohr is puffier than Ylisse. Odin doesn’t prefer it, and thankfully Leo doesn’t seem to mind that Odin isn’t interested in a cravat. When he isn’t dressed in his typical mage attire he wears a white shirt. It's plain, with a small collar and a V that is laced together over his chest. There are laces near his wrists too so that the (admittedly somewhat puffy) sleeves don't catch and prevent him from doing his work. He tucks that shirt into trousers that sit high on his waist and are belted. It's comfortable… and easy to remove. Just a few gentle tugs and he slips the shirt over his head.

He turns his back to Leo and keeps his gaze on the floor. He can  _ feel  _ Leo looking at him. Looking at the marking on his shoulder. Leo’s name, written in Leo’s handwriting… it’s been on Odin’s shoulder since the day he was born. 

Odin jolts--and yelps--when Leo’s bare fingertips come into contact with his skin. “Milord!” 

Leo pulls his hand back in an instant. “I’m sorry. I startled you.”

“It’s alright!” Odin  _ lies _ . It’s not alright. It sends chills through him when Leo touches his shoulder there. It feels like sparkling magic that unfurls under the surface of his skin. It  _ burns  _ around the letters that form the name of a man he’s come to love so much, a man who he can’t ever prove that he’s meant to have. His heart is racing, his head feels light, but he looks back over his shoulder. “Never apologize, Lord Leo, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“So then,” Leo says, “Will you tell me why this is here? When did you have this done?  _ How  _ did you have this done? This is my handwriting.” 

He could lie. He could lie but he's not sure what he would say. He could tell the truth and it would sound absurd… but he thinks at least if he tells the truth that Leo's faith in Odin's word won't be shaken. Odin chews on his lower lip while he considers those two options. He doesn't want to lie. He's been sitting on this secret for so many years now, working under Leo and worrying over him and never telling him that he's  _ his  _ and there’s a deeper reason why. 

“The truth? The truth is I’ve had this marking since the day of my birth.” He thinks Leo must have seen plenty of it by now, and so he pulls his shirt back over his head and tries to go about tucking it back into place while he talks. “Where I come from it is very common to have the name of your--well! That is to have someone who will be very close to you, I mean. Er… Their name somewhere on your body, that is.”

None of these words are coming out right and he  _ hates  _ that because he doesn't want Leo to think he's making this up. He's not, he would never! He tries to look into Leo's eyes and get a read on what's on his mind. It's never been easy to read Leo, but sometimes Odin can just tell. He can tell when he's distressed or when he's happy or when he's hiding something. Maybe it's because they're soulmates? Regardless he can't get a good read on him  _ now  _ so it doesn’t help him. 

“What you’re telling me is you’ve known for your entire life you would meet me. Why my name then? You’re quite close with Niles, too. Or Laslow and Selena. Why is it just my name?” 

Odin swallows a knot in his throat. “It’s… meant to be a touch more intimate than most friendships.” He could almost laugh at the absurdity of bringing up his friends at a time like this. He loves them, but this has nothing to do with mere friendship.

“Are you trying to imply I’m your  _ soulmate _ , Odin?" Leo walks in a slow half-circle around Odin until he's standing right in front of him. Their eyes meet again and Odin nearly flinches. He's been lectured before, but being lectured by his soulmate simply for  _ having  _ a soulmate is a little harder to swallow. But he doesn't blame Leo. It's not something he's ever seen in this world. In Nohr, soulmates don't happen. No one is born ready-made for another person. 

He sucks in a breath. He's been dreading this talk since he met Leo. More than that he's been dreading it taking this direction. In his wildest dreams, he's imagined Leo would understand. He would accept it readily and he would reciprocate the feelings, even without a mark saying as much. After all, if he had been born with a name on his body it would likely read the wrong name.

He says, “All I mean to imply is that I am happy to be your retainer. I know that soulmates don’t exist here in Nohr. It doesn’t bother me. Consider this mark nothing more than proof of my deepest devotion to you as my liege.”

"This doesn't change much of anything, then." Leo folds his arms across his chest. He looks casual and calm, but he also has a familiar glint in his eye. He knows something. Odin knows that something is about to come back into play, and soon. He just doesn't know what it is yet.

"Of course not, Lord Leo. I have never sought anything more than to be your faithful servant." Well, that's only a half-truth. Odin has dreamed of holding Leo. Being the one to share his bed, read with him, see him when he sleeps and wakes and dreams. He wants to be the one who holds him and the one who  _ is held  _ by him. Lonely nights and long days of pretending he’s not in love is hard on a man. Odin could certainly use a chance to be held.

So naturally, he's not thrilled when he watches Leo's lips draw into a tight frown. "Is that so?" Leo asks.

Odin sudden feels like he’s been caught lying. He needs to admit he’s in love. It’s fine--it will be fine. He knows and trusts his liege well enough to know he won’t shame him for it. He won’t send him away. He just risks having his feelings turned down, out loud, and that’s  _ scary _ . Odin would face any fear for Leo though. “I…” 

“Odin, did you know that there  _ are  _ tales of soulmates in Nohr? It’s not that they ‘don’t exist’, it’s that you have to open your eyes wide to see them. Soulmates do not have markings on their bodies or special messages. There’s no tangible evidence that you’ve met. You have to work for it, you have to believe in it. You see, finding your soulmate means finding someone you trust wholeheartedly.”

Odin holds his breath until he’s dizzy. Leo believes in soulmates? They do exist? He wouldn’t doubt a word that comes out of Leo’s mouth. He’s always believed him wholeheartedly. He always will.

“And so, you see, I knew you for my soulmate ages ago,” Leo shrugs his shoulders while he talks. “At the time I hated how easily I came to trust you. You were dumped on me, I didn’t want you for my retainer. But now I know I never had anything to fear. It’s easy to trust you, Odin. Easy to love you, even.” 

_ Love _ . The way Leo says it isn’t exactly a confession of course. He’s not saying he’s in love with Odin. He’s just reminding him that the bond they share is deeper than friendship. Right? They love each other, they’re part of a team. Leo is his liege and Odin would do anything to see him happy and healthy.

But what if he’s not? He just called Odin his soulmate, he just said he loved him. Maybe this is more than just a friendly thing. Maybe Leo is actually confessing! Odin just doesn’t know what to think or say yet. He has to figure out what’s going on before he can say a word, he has to be  _ sure _ . 

“Odin, this doesn’t have to change anything. If you’re truly happy just the way things are then who am I to interfere? I will happily drop the subject. But if you  _ do  _ want something more, I am inviting you, as my  _ soulmate _ \--not as my retainer--to show me.” 

Oh.

_ Oh. _

What is he supposed to do? Odin doesn’t know if he’s allowed to act on these feelings. He’s kept them pushed so far down for so long that letting them surface could tear him apart. Especially if Leo doesn’t understand just how strong his feelings are. 

Then again, would Leo tell him to act on his feelings if he didn’t expect  _ something _ ? He said ‘show me,’ not ‘tell me’ and that must mean he knows. For a few seconds too long Odin stands motionless, lips parted, eyes blank, staring at Leo. 

Then Leo sighs and unfolds his arms. Maybe he’s planning to step away. Odin took too many seconds and he’s decided that he’s not going to do anything after all. There’s nothing to show. But that’s not right! That’s not right and it’s so urgent that Odin find a way to properly show him just how he feels. So Odin kisses him.

He kisses him  _ hard _ . It's like a heartbeat before their lips crushed together. Leo's arms unfold but he doesn't push Odin away. His arms just hang in the air while he no-doubt  _ processes  _ what’s happening. Odin didn’t give up on them. He moved. He kissed!

Odin wants to show Leo how he feels. He invited him to. So he wraps a strong arm around the small of Leo’s back. Tight, to keep him close because Odin is absolutely terrified to let go. His other hand comes up to hold Leo’s face. He rubs his thumb along his jaw in a gentle circle and that’s the  _ exact  _ moment that Odin knows Leo wants to be kissed. He knows because Leo parts his lips and kisses him back just as urgently. 

Leo’s fingers reach up and curl into the fabric of Odin’s shirt. Right over his heart, Leo pulls him closer like that. The heat between them, the untapped feelings, it’s all finally seeping out into the open.  He never wants it to stop, but when Odin finally forces their lips apart he rests his forehead against Leo’s. He doesn’t bother to open his eyes yet, but he does apologize. “I’m sorry, milord. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I know I’m not allowed, and you--” 

"Hush," Leo mutters. He spreads his palm open over Odin's shirt, his chest, and Odin can feel his heart thundering against Leo's open hand. "Never apologize," Leo says, and he pushes forward to kiss Odin again. Slower this time. There's no need to rush because Odin isn't on a time constraint to make his feelings clear. This time their lips move calmly. Softly. Odin gets to enjoy the way Leo is just slightly smiling against his lips. He gets to enjoy the taste of his breath and the sound of a sweet, quiet hum afterward.

Odin supposes he can follow that rule. After all, he isn’t actually sorry.

  
  



End file.
